I am tired...and old...

I guess I qualify to call myself a responsible person. Despite the fact that I complain a lot about work, manager, management and company, I continue to spend so much energy and time finishing the task I was given. WITHOUT ANY EXTRA INCENTIVE, BENEFIT NOR OVERTIME PAY!

Sometimes I'd question myself, why do I still do it? Satisfaction? No, I don't have that kind of feeling doing the shit I'm doing now. Interest? Nope, I've got better things to do in my free time than to sit in the cold and deserted cubicle. What else? I can't think of a valid reason why I work so hard, sacrificing my precious much needed sleep.

The only thing I know is that, I was given a task and it is my responsibility to complete it. I just couldn't bear to close one eye, go home, and let the project rot. "There is always tomorrow to finish the job" - so not true in my case. Every minute, every hour is very important. Schedule, date line, flow continuity...these are the words I live by whenever a project goes live.

Things aren't this tough in the early years with the company. Yes, working extra hour is common once in awhile, but they only lasted at most 2months. And things are simpler that time, communication wasn't so messed up, I report to angmoh boss over only 1 level of local manager.

I don't want to start a whole long list of grumbling about work (ok, although I've started a little but am going to stop very soon). But I wish I could get at least some incentive for all the (lack of) sleep I have sacrificed, or at least compensate some petrol allowances for all the trip back to office during non-office hour due to the stupid slow VPN connection they provided, or at least buy me dinner when I need to stay back in the office till late at night wayyyy pass my dinner time, or they can even subsidize my internet connection so I could upgrade to a better broadband provider when they constantly need me to log-in from home.

Why do I still do it when I don't get any of these? Whats add to the demotivating factor is the fact that last year, there was 0% increment policy :(

So I was saying, I'm a person with responsibility. Given a task, I make sure I do my best in completing it. Can I say that it is like a relationship? When 2 party involved in a marriage, even when love has faded, there is the sense of commitment to maintaining the relationship. Hrmm...ok, maybe I am out of scope, think too much. Anyway, I'm so tired now...when is this going to end? Working at least 12hrs a day, almost 7 days a week for 2 months already.....